There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize
