i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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