i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Randomize
