new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
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