I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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