You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Randomize
