I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
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