Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Randomize
