Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize
