shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
