Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Randomize
