I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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