bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
