her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
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