Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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