He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
i think my mom watched the whole time
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
Randomize
