so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
