I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Randomize
