I got chris browned last night
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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