Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
