I heard we made out
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
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