I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
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