i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
