Well douche your snatch and let's go!
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize
