it's too hot outside to masturbate.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Randomize
