you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Randomize
