Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Randomize
