dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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