I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Randomize
