my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
