and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
