i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
