You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
