direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
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