Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
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