Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
