Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
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