Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
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