Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
my liver is dry heaving
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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