wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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