you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
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