theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
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