absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Randomize
