I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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