wat bout pragnant strippers??
i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Randomize
