yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize
