My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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