I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
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