Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
