I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Randomize
