You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
