I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
May the power of my ass compel you!!
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Randomize
