The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
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