so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
