booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
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