I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
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