First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
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