the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
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