My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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