U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
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