You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize