let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
Randomize
