Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
