God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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