So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
