where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
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