Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
Randomize